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Winter Park / Maitland Observer Thursday, Feb. 16, 2017 2 years ago

Chris Jepson: In our guts we know he's nuts

Tune to FNN for all the latest in alternative facts.
by: Chris Jepson Staff Writer

President Trump announced Wednesday the creation of an alternative television network based out of the White House. Presidential adviser Kellyanne Conway has been tapped to lead the enterprise. Offering up programming counsel to the new venture are Roger Ailes, Steve Bannon, Larry Solov and David Duke. Call letters for the new media company will be FNN (Faux News Network).

“FNN will focus on all those unbelievable stories the treacherous liberal media refuse to cover. FNN’s target audience will be those genuinely patriotic Americans who voted to make America great again. FNN will provide all forgotten Americans only the truth and only as President Trump understands it. No whiney apologetic, wishy-washy, this or that liberal humanist malarkey, just the real scoop on who is selling-out America. FNN will kick a and take names and leave no stone unturned to give real Americans the unvarnished truth – truth requiring no verification,” said Ms. Conway in the Wednesday White House press briefing.

Conway ended with, “We’re inspired by that often-maligned American patriot, Sen. Joseph McCarthy who once proudly proclaimed, ‘Our job as Americans and Republicans is to dislodge the traitors from everyplace they’ve been sent to do their treacherous work.’”

FNN’s first hire is FOX TV’s Sean Hannity, forsaken America’s unbelievable truth teller. On his debut program, Hannity delved into the unreported horrific terrorist attack in Bowling Green, Ky.

First, the facts as conveyed by FNN. In August of 2011, a secret cell of 87 Muslim terrorists (all, prophetically, from countries on Trump’s recent immigration order, an order now unconscionably held-up by leftist unpatriotic so-called judges) hijacked an 18-wheeler truck carrying air conditioners from Mexico. Dumping the conditioners in the Rio Grande River, the terrorists loaded low-grade nuclear material and two Humvees with missile launchers and four illegal Mexicans to unpack the weaponry.

Crossing the border at El Paso, the terrorist-laden death truck was waved through customs with a cursory inspection just after the lead conspirator offered, “God bless all Americans.”

Arriving in Bowling Green in the dead of the night, the four illegal Mexicans unloaded the deadly cargo into a closed Kenny Rogers Roasters Restaurant. The well-planned terrorist plot was to unleash low-grade nuclear explosions in the Eastern Kentucky Coalfield, thus forever crippling American manufacturing.

Unbeknownst to the terrorists and fortuitous for America, the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls of Bowling Green were conducting their annual meeting in an adjoining Howard Johnson’s when Purity Lovecheek, the 2011 Rainbow club president noticed suspicious activity (dark-skinned people) at the restaurant and called her father, Webe Lovecheek, the chief of police for the Bowling Green Police Department.

According to Sean Hannity, “What the liberal mainstream media failed to report concerning the Bowling Green Massacre was that all 87 terrorists were killed in a pitched two-day gun battle requiring the Kentucky National Guard and the 159th Combat Aviation Brigade of the 101st Airborne Division. The nuclear material was secured and disabled. Unfortunately, the four Mexicans escaped, reportedly to Florida to harvest winter vegetables. Coal was once again safe in America! Next, an update on the 40 bus loads of illegal voters who fraudulently elected Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire presidential election.”

Readers, obviously none of the above particulars are facts except the patently false White House assertion (repeated) of a Bowling Green Massacre and that busloads of out-of-state illegal voters skewed the New Hampshire presidential results.

Tune to FNN for all the latest in alternative facts.

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