Local family has open-door policy, serving as foster parents for more than a decade

OAKLAND — When David and Melanie Stimmell returned from their honeymoon in 1990, they jumped right into the responsibilities of parenthood when they became guardians of their 5-year-old niece. That one act was the catalyst for living a life of service to the state’s youngest residents who don’t have a voice of their own.

The newlyweds took care of the young relative for a few years before she was reunited with her mother. But the experience left a lasting impression on the Stimmells, and they knew — even before having any children of their own — that they wanted to one day become foster parents. 

“At that time, we realized there wasn’t a follow-up system in place, say, six months down the road, to make sure the mom was doing what she’s supposed to,” Melanie Stimmell said. 

Thus, the Oakland couple’s personal journey to help make positive changes to the fostering program started.

After their third child was born, they began filling out the necessary paperwork to open their home to foster children. They also learned they were expecting their fourth child, so they put the plan on hold. Once their son was born, the Stimmells resumed their plan and started taking classes.

Within a day of getting their license, they were given their first foster child.

“That’s the norm,” Stimmell said.

Two foster children, 1-year-old twins who arrived in March, have temporarily joined the family. The other 10 children belong to the Stimmells. There are four biological kids: Caleb, 22, and Jacob, 20, both college students; Elyssa, 17; and Elijah, 14; five brothers — Gage, 10; Logan, 9; T.J., 7; Michael, 4; and Josiah, 3 — all who started as fosters and were eventually adopted by the Stimmells. And there’s Lily Grace, who is 1 and in the process of being adopted, as well. The six youngest children have the same biological mother.

MORE HOMES NEEDED

According to the Children’s Bureau, a part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, more than 18,000 children were in foster care in 2013. There aren’t nearly enough foster homes to care for these minors.

“We are begging people to step outside their comfort zone and open up their home,” Stimmell said.

May is Foster Awareness Month. According to the Children’s Bureau, May is set aside “to acknowledge foster parents, family members, volunteers, mentors, policymakers, child-welfare professionals and other members of the community who help children and youth in foster care find permanent homes and connections.”

Social workers try to keep children in the same county as their parents to make visitation easier, but sometimes that’s not possible. The 1-year-old twins recently put in the Stimmells’ care are from Marion County.

The couple has fostered close to 50 children in about 14 years, one for just a few hours while placement workers with the Florida Department of Children and Families searched for a family member, and another for one-and-one-half years. Except for one adopted by another family, all were returned to their parents or another relative eventually.

“The goal is always to work with the parents and get them back in the home, but it’s not always possible,” Stimmell said. “The goal is also for foster parents to mentor the parents — not just to take care of the kids, but to teach the parents how to be parents.”

A foster family is notified after the state’s abuse hotline receives a call from someone concerned that a child might not be in a safe situation. A private investigator goes into the reported home, checks on the children and gives the visit a rating. If the investigator determines the children are unsafe, a foster family is called.

“I want people to understand what we do,” Stimmell said. “Parenting is the easiest part, essentially. It’s being a voice for these kids — as an advocate at school, an advocate in court, in all their environments.”

HOME LIFE

The large family recently moved to a 4,300-square-foot house in Oakland with a view of Lake Apopka. It has five bedrooms, four bathrooms and a lot of bunk beds, Melanie Stimmell said.

“What I’m really good at is organization,” she said. “Everybody has a place for everything.”

All the school-age Stimmell children attend Foundation Academy, a private Christian school in Winter Garden. Scholarships and the kindness of the Foundation community have made it possible for them to afford tuition. 

“The people that we have surrounded ourselves with, our friends and our church, we couldn’t have done it without them,” Melanie Stimmell said. “The Foundation family is strong.”

Families drop off clothing at the Stimmell home, and just last week, a Foundation mother offered Melanie some uniforms her children had outgrown.

“They support us; they believe in what we do,” she said. “Our kids, in turn, are supported by strong Christian men and women.”

Another financial benefit is that David Stimmell drives the school bus. He also works in commercial and residential real estate.

“The biggest gifts that David and I have — that we would have never imagined what a gift it would be — is how compassionate they are, how aware they are of other environments,” she said of her biological children.

She said Caleb, the oldest, is consumed with the effects the fostering system has on children.

“Having to go to strangers, strange schools; these things stay with them,” she said.

David and Melanie talked to their children before they started the process of becoming foster parents, and they discuss it with them every year before renewing their license.

“We want to make sure everyone is on board to continue fostering,” she said. They always are.

It was also a unanimous vote to adopt the five boys.

“They were very excited,” she said. “The adopted kids were getting a forever family, and the other kids were excited about getting more brothers and sisters.”

Melanie Stimmell is available to talk to anyone who has questions about fostering  at (407) 230-5640.

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MAKING CHANGES

David Stimmell, 53, and Melanie Stimmell, 51, both served on the board of the Quality Parent Initiative, which was created to make statewide changes in foster parenting. Today, this initiative is changing all levels of fostering, she said. Instead of multiple people working independently, case managers are now working as a team.

Melanie Stimmell also volunteers on the state’s Foster Association board and travels to various foster parent associations. During Florida Children’s Week, she attends the Rally in Tally event in Tallahassee.

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Contact Amy Quesinberry Rhode at [email protected].