Louis Roney: Givers and takers

“The man who takes and never gives, may last for years, but never lives.” – Anonymous

I have come to the conclusion that the human race is divided between givers and takers: “Takers may eat better, but givers sleep better,” Marlo Thomas said. A good example of give-and-take is “to take pains to give pleasure,” and I certainly have thought this during my singing and writing careers.

Generous giving may be more blessed than receiving, but often seems far rarer, and should be taught to children before the age when they catch on to reality. Early taking is evidenced by a child sticking his hands through the bars of its crib and touching the grab-bag, which is his family’s hand.

The giver is all too often forgotten after he has given. A schoolteacher learns this enlightening fact the first time he teaches a student something that enriches the student’s life and earning-power — and for which the teacher is never adequately acknowledged or thanked.

The trick could be to give without remembering, and to take without forgetting.

I had the benefit of coaching operas with one of Italy’s greatest voice coaches who had come to New York to live. When I made my New York debut singing “Tosca” with the New York Philharmonic, I made sure that my teacher’s name was credited high in the program, and that he and his wife were visible where they sat down front in an audience of many thousands.

Successful marriage is surely built upon give-and-take, and most divorces probably come from a plethora of uneven swaps.

The paradox is that we encourage kids not to take advantage of other people and at the same time praise them for having driven sharp bargains. “Just be on the winning side,” is the message. And striving to do just that is perfectly appropriate.

When I was young I never understood the saying: “To him that hath, shall be given; and from him that hath not, shall be taken away.” I had to find for myself a meaning implicit in those profound words. I believe that the thing one must have in plenty in order to win in life is a magnanimity of spirit as a human being. The scarcity that brings nothing in return is a missing of that same generosity of spirit. “Them that has, gets” goes the old saw. The word “generous” we owe to the Latin stem “gen,” the same source that gives us gentile, genus, genuine, gentle and generate among others. “Generous” as described by the great curmudgeon Ambrose Bierce states, “Originally the word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.”

“Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them,” said an anonymous speaker. This fact may apply particularly to raising children.

It is said that integrity is choosing your thoughts and actions for their values rather than personal gain. Do politicians need more of this?!

“Successful people look for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people ask, what’s in it for me?” said Brian Tracy. Here we go with those politicians and their taking again!

“I hate Indian givers…No, I take that back!” said Emo Philips.

“Taking,” says Ambrose Bierce, is “To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.”

“There are times when we are givers, and there are times when we must let others give to us,” said Paul Hoffman. The important thing is that we give people the pleasure of giving.

“Entrepreneurs are risk ‘takers,’ willing to roll the dice with their money and reputation on the line in support of an idea or enterprise. They willingly accept the responsibility for the success or failure of a venture and are responsible for all its facets,” said entrepreneur Victor Kiam. This is “taking” risk that “gives” positive outcome.

“If it is more blessed to give than to receive, isn’t it then more blessed to receive than to give back?” asked poet Robert Frost. I once took a course in college where Frost was a guest professor. He loved to challenge us boys with his philosophical riddles.