Louis Roney: Re: Politicians

Aristotle said, “Man is a political animal.” OK, so I admit the animal part, but I don’t care much for the political part. The first thing you see of a politician is his hand, which he holds straight-out, palm-up as he approaches you. If you are all “donated out,” the politician will not hang around long.

Tell me, why do we elect politicians? Probably because it’s a good way to get them out of the neighborhood. We send them along to Washington where they meet their “brothers under the skin,” and there is plenty of skinning going on. The Merriam Webster definition of politician is: “1. a person engaged in the art and science of government as a profession; 2. a) a person engaged in party politics as a profession, or b) a person primarily interested in political office for selfish or other narrow or usually short-sighted reasons.” The short-sight we have extended to this president never seems quite short enough — four years is a hell of a long time to get cooped up with a politician who will never leave until he runs out of time and money.

These guys talk about their “party” a lot, and it’s party-time for them the minute they hit Washington. If it isn’t raining, the Rose Garden is their favorite hang-out, where they pass out a few big bills to visiting pols. Then they pause in the Oval Office and chat with a few good looking dames who came in from Keokuk, Iowa, so they can tell fellow clubwomen, “Oh! Yes, I visited the White House.” Politicians’ wives are the people I really pity: They have to just stand there and smile while their “better halves” are flapping their political jaws. I once sang a concert in Constitution Hall for a large gathering of Daughters of the American Revolution delegates whose women own the Hall. No questions followed, I thank the good Lord. When a man talks to women politicians, he is trying to figure out whether he is going to be kissed or socked. I often answered questions with, “There is something in what you say,” or, “yes, and then again, no” as an act of self-defense.

Quotes: “A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.” — Adlai Stevenson

Winston Churchill said: “Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.”

Socrates said, “I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live!”

Comic Rodney Dangerfield opined, “I get no respect. The way my luck’s running, if I were a politician, I’d be honest.”

Honest guy Barry Goldwater said, “Where is the politician who has not promised to fight for lowering taxes — and who has not proceeded to vote for the very spending projects that make tax-cuts impossible?”

Newt Gingrich quipped, “Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.”

John Kennedy said, “Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our responsibility for the future.”

Mark Twain observed, “Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”

Dante said, “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.” But Machiavelli in “Il Principe” said, “Politics have no relation to morals.”

Wise Plato remarked, “One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.”

Fabilist Aesop wrote, “We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office!”

Economist Milton Freidman quipped, “If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there’d be a shortage of sand!”

“Alas nothing has ‘changed!’ But, smart people know when they have said enough,” signs off L. Roney.