Perspectives

"Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."

— Beyoncé in "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"

Sex is a trap. Of the sweetest kind, of course. But it is a trap nonetheless. I marvel at the absolute power of sex. I genuflect. I bow. I pay homage. It is the most powerful force in nature. Unequivocally. It makes earthquakes and tsunamis also-rans as natural phenomena. Simply recall Carol King's immortal lyrics, "I feel the earth move under my feet. I feel the sky tumbling down …"

Now why is this? Look at all the human energy that is devoted to sex. It is mindboggling. Staggering. I cannot even venture a guess as to what our Gross National Product (GNP) would be if we removed what we spend on sex. I am not talking about prostitution (although that is, no doubt, an astronomical figure). I am referring specifically to all the products and services associated with sex between human beings. Clothing, cosmetics, entertainment (TV, movies, music), alcohol, drugs (illegal and legal prescriptions: Viagra, etc.), cosmetic surgery, food, dietary supplements, gym/spa memberships, weight loss clinics, psychological counseling, vacations/travel, publications (Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Gentlemen's Quarterly, etc.). I am not even scratching the surface of what we spend/invest as individuals and as a culture on being sexually attractive and desirable, as well as, what we invest to achieve and facilitate the sexual experience.

I know for a fact, from personal experience, that I became acutely aware at the age of 5 of the fundamental difference(s) between boys and girls. I didn't know the particulars, of course, but I knew that I was attracted to (desired) girls for different reasons than when I sought out the company of the "guys." This wonderful, delightful chemistry between men and women (boys and girls) begins at a young age. And, it is not by chance that this is the case.

We are hardwired by nature to seek out the opposite sex and do the "dirty." We prepare throughout our youth to do just that. And when our hormones "kick in," well, Katy, bar the door.

Sex is a fact. It is what it is in order for humans to reproduce. Imagine that the sexual experience isn't the mind-bending jolt (more on that later) that it can be but rather it is comparable to severely stubbing your toe every time you attempted it. My father had an expression that he all too frequently recommended to me, "If it hurts, don't do it." You know, "It!" In this case, we are discussing sex. If it were not pleasurable, how often would we do "it"? How often would we think about "it"? How often would we crave "it"?

But it is pleasurable. Undeniably so. There is no comparable human experience to sex. If you made a list of what you would give up last and, depending on your age, sex would head the list. Books or sex? Movies or sex? Art or sex? Food or sex? Hah! Hah! I joke about food. I do? It is the "a-ha!" experience of life most readily available to all of us.

Again, why is this? Why is sex with someone other than yourself (Bad Chrissy! Oh, not sooo bad. Really.) such a human fixation and priority?

Because it puts such a kick in our step. The process is sublime. It feels exquisitely divine. It focuses one's attention. It makes you want nothing else (What are transcendent moments for after all?). It's nostril-flaring, heavy-breathing myopia. It's expressive. It's particular. It unleashes incredible chemicals within our bodies that buoys our spirits, opens our hearts and expands our minds. It makes us (or can) more generous. It can make us better. As human beings. It contributes to health and harmony. It is hopeful. It connects us to/with other human beings. To repeat: It is a positive act that reinforces our connectedness (literally, of course but figuratively as well) with humanity. It is our common denominator. Sex is humanity. It's the vitamin that actually works!

Ah, but is there anything associated with being human that doesn't come as the double-edged sword? Sex is no different.

So much of our literature (history too for that matter) is consumed with the subject of sex. This is no mere coincidence. Jealousy. Passion. Treachary. Longing. Betrayal. Hunger. Fidelity. Desire. What after all launched the 1,000 Greek ships?

Sex is an experience that requires our most intimate glands to come in contact. (I include the brain in this context but it is not axiomatic that it will be entirely engaged. Sigh.) And, out of that, life begins. For, lest we forget, sex is about procreation.

I am one of those modern types, however, who believes that sex is, in and of itself, an end goal. Not every sexual experience need produce babies. Mercifully so. I'd even argue that what the world needs is far more "great" sex (for every adult) and far less children. We have enough people. And way too many "unwanted" and "unplanned" babies. As well as unhappy marriages.

There is a school of thought "out there" suggesting that folks save themselves for marriage. I find this peculiar. As Ann Landers once observed, "Would you buy a pair of shoes without trying them on?" I certainly wouldn't recommend entering the candy store of life and not trying a number of the available treats. For, after all, how would one know whether one prefers Red Hots vs Good & Plenty or Sweet Tarts vs Hot Tamales or a Mr. Goodbar to an "Oh Henry!"

When we are younger, sex is befuddling. The post glow of great sex can cloud one's vision. Great in the sack does not, by any stretch of the imagination, mean great for life. Any adult with half a brain on knows that.

I certainly would not advise my daughter or sons (and didn't) that they follow the advice of Beyoncé — that for sex to occur a ring is required. What a recipe for disappointment. Birth control, yes. Awareness of sexually transmitted diseases, yes. I am not advocating casual or impersonal sex, just that we not require marriage in order to experience our sexual selves.

Rock guitarist Jimmy Hendrix sang in the 1960s, "I have only one itchin' desire, let me stand next to your fire." Indeed. Fire, however, is seldom "the" building block of relationships.

But, oh the glow!

I close with Edna St. Vincent Millay, "My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends It gives a lovely light!"

And, oh the glow!