Resolution comes through validation

You don’t have to be a professional to practice validation therapy. In fact, you can start with some techniques that can reduce the stress your loved one is feeling, enhance their dignity, increase their happiness and even help keep them from becoming further disoriented. Using these techniques, you can help them express emotions that may have been suppressed for years, things like grief, anxiety, frustration or abandonment. Even if your loved one is unable or unwilling to speak, simply acknowledging these emotions can go a long way toward healing.

You can try starting with these strategies:

• Observe the situation carefully and think before responding.

• Speak in a low, clear, compassionate tone of voice.

• Maintain eye contact with them.

• Rephrase their statements, using the same tone and cadence of speech. For example: “You want to be back in your own home. What would you do there?”

• Use non-threatening, factual words. Instead of asking them why something happened or why they did what they did, consider asking who, what, where, when and how.

• Observe and match their body language to create a bond of trust. If they lean in toward you, mirror that action by leaning toward them.

• Pay attention to significant objects, such as a wedding ring, and ask questions associated with those objects. “How did Dad propose to you, Mom? Where did you get married?”

• Step into their personal reality and try to understand how their behavior might connect with a basic human need for love, respect or comfort.

• Tap into the power of music. Singing or playing an instrument can help them recall the emotions connected with familiar songs.

• Engage your loved one in familiar hobbies to evoke positive memories.

As you consider how best to support your loved one, remember that each person is different, and these techniques should be used with their needs and desires in mind.

Although there is no cure, validation therapy can be a valuable tool. By treating loved ones as unique individuals with important pasts and meaningful lives, we can stay in touch with the humanity.

Naomi Feil, M.S.W., A.C.S.W., is a pioneer in validation therapy and will be speaking at the Alzheimer’s & Dementia Resource Center’s (ADRC) 18th Annual Caregiver Conference being held at Winter Park Towers on Nov. 5. For more information or to register, contact Cindi Spurgeon at 407-843-1910, ext. 301 or [email protected]