Learn how to tame your anger

Everyone has a moment where they just want to scream, “I’ve had it and I’m not going to take it anymore!” There’s nothing wrong with being angry. It’s a natural response to threats. It is a powerful response that allows us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked, but knowing how to better control our anger will make life a little easier for parents as well as their children.

TeenHealth.com outlines a problem-solving approach when dealing with anger. Each step leads into the next:

• Identify the problem.

• Think of potential solutions.

• Consider the consequences of each action.

• Make a decision on which action to take.

• Check your progress and ask how your choice played out.

Even though each step is important, I would like to focus on techniques that you can start today to make your life better.

Exercise, whether punching a heavy bag, running or just taking a brisk walk, increases endorphins and channels energy we form by getting angry and funnels it into a different use. For me, the best exercise to achieve this is running or going to the gym. This technique has an additional benefit of giving me time to think about what I am angry about. Being aware that you have a problem is the first step in finding a solution.

Listening to music (happy not angry music) can change most people’s mood very quickly. Listening to upbeat happy music while working out or running can combine two methods for stress and anger reduction.

Have you ever wondered why people keep a journal? Writing is known to be very cathartic. It can help you organize your thoughts, determine what you are angry about, and scream all you want on paper without making a sound. Try this next time: if you are angry at someone or something, write how you feel, it can be in the form of a letter, which you can then rip up or burn.

If you are more of a talker and not a writer, talking to someone you trust such as a therapist can be therapeutic. This is known as venting. I use this a lot when I get frustrated. I call a friend and talk. This can be a two-way street, and I also make sure I am open to any venting my friends want to do. If your anger gets very bad, you may want to talk to a therapist who can help you target your anger trigger.

The simplest thing you can do when you are angry is concentrate on slow, deep breathing. Breathing can help lower your blood pressure, which, when elevated, can cause frustration and exacerbate a situation. Breathing properly through your diaphragm (your belly gets bigger and your shoulders do not rise) is also shown to reduce anxiety. Practice makes perfect.

Remember when you were young and got mad, your mother told you that before speaking you should count to 10? This childhood saying can be helpful even in our teen and adult lives. When we are in the grip of anger, our capacity for rational thought and feeling can be driven out. Even a short delay of 10 seconds can restore equilibrium and prevent any stupid behavior.

In an acute situation when counting to 10 does not seem to help, just step away. Divorce yourself from the anger-provoking situation. You cannot believe how many times I have simply said, “Excuse me for one minute” and left a room. Why be around things or people that don’t bring out the best in you?

An important thing to know is that the American Psychological Association says that “letting it all hang out” is not an option. This actually escalates anger and aggression and does not allow an angry person resolve the situation.

Finally, if your anger is out of control, a therapist can be very helpful when it comes to figuring out what makes you angry and how to control your anger and focus it constructively. When I was younger, I had a lot of anger created by my high level of life anxiety. I could not vent to my friends since they were too young, I could not express my feelings to my parents, but I had no problem expressing myself to a “talky doctor,” or psychologist, who helped me tremendously.

Seneca wrote that “gladiators were protected by their skills but were left defenseless by their anger.” If every one of us can learn one technique to tame our anger and rage, we could live fuller and happier lives with less sorrow and pain.

Jenni Helen Sujka, a graduate of Winter Park High School IB program, is a junior at Flagler College majoring in psychology. She can be reached at [email protected]