How to help your college student find their independence

The sound of a telephone. Ring. Ring.

Hopefully that sound fills you with joy. On the other end of the line is your college-age son or daughter calling to tell you how amazing their college experience has been so far. Many parents want the details about the day-to-day during these phone calls, with questions such as; “how are classes? Are you eating? Make sure you don’t spend too much of your budget.” These are the easy phone calls, the ones that remind you that your child is doing fine. You hang up the phone and you aren’t as anxious as when you picked it up.

Then, we have the other type of call. From the moment your child speaks you can hear the desolation in their voice. You instantly know everything isn’t OK and that something is happening that is causing your child stress. It’s natural for you as the parent to jump right into protective mode. It’s your natural instinct as a parent to protect your child when you hear them in distress.

How you handle the situation has the ability to keep your child at your side or push them to become their own advocate. Similar to what a mother bird does when her chicks are learning how to fly. This is your time to push your child out of the comfort of your nest, but remind them that you’re near. Use this conversation to educate your child on how to handle stressful situations. Encourage him or her to talk to someone on campus that can make the situation better. Encourage them to seek out campus tutoring and ask them if they’ve sat down with their professor or counselor to share their struggles.

Let’s discuss how you should not respond during one of these phone calls. This is not the time for you to take control over the situation. It isn’t the time for you to ask for the student advisor’s office number, and its certainty not the time to ask for the professor’s email address. From my own personal experience, I know parents have a tendency to jump-in and take over the situation when all your child needs is the tools and knowledge on how to handle this stressful situation. Remember, your child needs you to help develop them even when they aren’t living under your roof. I encourage you to monitor the situation from afar. Send a text and give them words of encouragement to mange the situation on their own.

Phone calls home can be very exciting or they can fill you stress and anxiety. Remember, during these phone calls to step back from your emotional response and allow your actions to be guided with logic over emotion.

Now, send your child a text telling them “hello!” We all know that aren’t really using the phone for talking anymore.

Katie Ross has been working in higher education since 2007. She has had the opportunity to be a Senior Student Advisor, Orientation Manager, and most recently an Associate Course Director at Full Sail University. When she isn’t holding a lecture, you can find her in a hot yoga class at Full Circle Yoga, or dining with her husband and friends on Park Avenue. Katie works hard to blend her teaching and advising experience together to better her students’ college experience.