Perspectives

Every so often, you’ll hear of a person who “jumps the shark” and finds the lord. And I’m not talking about behind the sofa. Or at Wal-Mart. “I went for the savings and found salvation!” The most recent context concerned a woman who got right with the Lord, with the boyfriend left sacrificed at the altar. Alas. These sorts of stories intrigue me to no end. But I say, better that such a “revelation” occurs before marriage because such a threesome may not be part of the marital bargain.

When I was 19 years old, way back in 1968, I believed that there were no fundamental differences between men and women. I wholeheartedly embraced the feminism of those times (still do). I had a mother who was exemplar nonpareil and two extraordinary sisters — all three creatively validating the lyric, “I can do anything you can do better.” Sure, there were/are the obvious physical considerations — vive la difference! — but essentially men and women approached life “roughly” the same. I felt, and do to this day, that each sex respectively reflects an aspect of a two-sided coin. Or, perhaps the Greek muses, Thalia and Melpomene, of comedy and tragedy. On any given day, either sex wears the mask appropriate. We are of one theatrical production.

Sister Sandra says being married is the toughest thing we humans do. I might legitimately suggest that going into battle would be tougher. But then, my faithful reader might ask, “Chris Dearest, I know you’re married, you must never, then, have been to war? Not to clearly understand which is more brutal.” Hah! Sigh.

Now why is that? Why is marriage so damned tough? It starts out soooo sweet. Maybe that is what sex is for. To chemically inure you to the reality of the institution. At least for a while. I get such a kick out of religious fundamentalists who want to deny homosexuals the right to marry. That to do so might undermine the institution. Is that too funny, or what? Actually, marriage, if statistical evidence is to be believed, is most under attack (through divorce) in America’s most religiously conservative states. Yes, it turns out that the less education you have, the greater your prospects of divorce. Draw your own conclusions on that correlation.

I know of a woman who finally had it with her verbally abusive, abrasive husband. He repeatedly denigrated her abilities and eventually he used up any residual goodwill. A line was crossed mentally (for her) and he is soon-to-be history. But it needn’t have turned out this way.

Is it that marriage creates unreal expectations? Is disappointment inevitable? Should “happily ever after” come with a caveat. Sometimes. Yes, sometimes you will feel that way. And how much happiness is enough? If you’re happy 72 percent of the time, is that sufficient? Life being what it is, should we consider anything more than 50 percent a net plus? Marriage is a human construct and as such, its underpinnings are subject to reconsideration by each generation. Quite reasonably so, I might add.

I’ve decided to write a soon-to-be classic country western song. The opening lyrics go, “She got the Lord and you got me.”

“And you got me.”

Appropriate for marital vows? Think twice. And, then again.