Obligations

"In marriage the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal." (Anspacher)

Reciprocation: "To give and take mutually: to return in kind or degree, i.e. to repay an obligation" (Webster's Dictionary)

"A man said to the universe:

'Sir, I exist!'

'However,' said the universe,

'That fact has not created in me

Any sense of obligation'" (Steven Crane)

"A sense of duty pursues us ever. It is omnipresent, like the Deity. If we take to ourselves the wings of the morning, and dwell in the utter most parts of the sea, duty performed or duty violated is still with us, for our happiness or our misery. If we say the darkness shall cover us, in the darkness as in the light our obligations are still with us." (Daniel Webster)

Such thoughts lead quite naturally to, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" — surely no guarantee that you're going to get the same treatment that you have given. The conditional "would" is the snake in the grass.

The formation of my character and manners began in the Depression of the 1930s. My family members were "Southern gentlefolk" of above average education, and of modest means.

My early societal experience was greatly influenced by higher education in New England, four years in the U.S. Navy and an international life in musical-theater.

My professional career ended at 85, after 24 years as a "Distinguished" professor in a Florida university.

My profession had kept me in close contact with the young Americans of today.

Their characters and personality-specifics varied distinctly from my own.

If I said I was "under obligation" to another person, my students might well have thought that I was referring to being in monetary debt to that person.

When my grandmother spoke of being "under obligation" to cousin Zoulette, she was referring to owing cousin Zoulette an invitation to my grandmother's house for dinner or teatime. Zoulette had clearly been the latest to entertain.

In those days, people of "correct" good manners kept careful track of the invitations stemming from others. They would then "repay" the obligation in-kind by extending an invitation of their own. No well-raised person would think of dining twice in someone else's house, without having entertained the other person in the interim at home or in a restaurant.

The concept extends to correspondence, and obligates one to answer relatively promptly the letters of friends and relatives.

I, myself, do not feel that a properly enveloped letter delivered by U.S. mail can be sloughed off with a hasty e-mail reply.

My beloved wife and I don't accept an invitation to go to dinner without making sure that we follow-up with an invitation from us.

All these matters of manners derive from a logical base and from sensitive consciences, which reflect the "finer feelings" of human beings.

To the degree that modern society in our day chooses to ignore these revered customs, human existence is poorer indeed.

Ignoring the "finer feelings" attenuates the cohesive fiber of our civilized society itself….