Chris Jepson: Haven't got a prayer

The answer to America's prayers? More prayer it would seem.

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  • | 6:35 a.m. December 10, 2015
  • Winter Park - Maitland Observer
  • Opinion
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“You can pray until you’re blue in the face and buy guns until you’re broke, but neither of these actions will stop our ongoing problem with gun violence.” – Manny Schewitz

The answer to America’s prayers? Ask any Republican and they’ll universally screech, “Repeal Obamacare.” I joke on the Pubs. I jest. They’re far too sophisticated for such simplistic sloganeering. Yes, now that the Republican Party is a recognized, wholly owned subsidiary of the NRA, both organizations are proudly firing both barrels, “Guns don't kill people; people kill people.”

The answer to America’s prayers? More prayer it would seem. After the “latest” gun tragedy in America, Republicans couldn’t line up fast enough to offer prayers and condolences to the shooting victims of San Bernardino. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush tweeted, “Praying for the victims, their families & the San Bernardino first responders in the wake of this tragic shooting.” Rand Paul offered, “My thoughts and prayers are with the victims, families, and brave first responders during this unspeakable tragedy.” Notice the similarity? It’s tragic. It’s a tragedy. Senseless death usually is. Golleeee-Gomer, I just wish there was something, anything we could do about gun violence in America.

The answer to America’s prayers? Automatic weapons. Assault rifles. Speed loaders and 50-round magazines. Glocks. And Bushmasters. Smith & Wessons. SIG Sauers. And Springfields. And Brownings. And Colts. Oh, Santa, won’t-cha please bring me an AK-47, 1,000 rounds and three all-beef tacos and a liter of Mountain Dew.

The answer to America’s prayers? More guns, you fool. Guns for the fearful. Guns for the moronic. The insecure. The tribal. The white supremacist. The nativist. Guns for the violent. Guns for the marginalized, humiliated and disturbed. Guns for men. Guns for women. And guns for children of any age, of course. Guns for patriots and all “real” Americans. Guns for God. And, for sure, guns for suspected terrorists! Guns! Guns! Guns! For everyone!

The answer to America’s prayers? Here’s quite an idea (obviously an erroneous one). A fellow American, Jill Filipovic, last week asked, “If only there were something politicians could offer, other than thoughts and prayers, to stop gun violence.” If only.

The answer to America’s prayers? Keep guns in the hands of everyone because, "Guns don't kill people; people kill people." And everyone deserves a gun, even suspected terrorists according to your NRA official, er, excuse me, your elected Republican senators (same thing actually). The Republican led U.S. Senate last week voted down a bill that would have prevented “suspected” terrorists from purchasing a gun in America. That’s right, anyone on a suspected terrorist list would have been prevented from buying a gun. Whoa-now! Won’t be having any of that! Guns! Guns! Guns! For everyone!

The answer to America’s prayers? NRA Republicans are the answer to America’s prayers. Obviously. Virginia Tech. Sandy Hook Elementary. Columbine. Aurora. Charleston. Fort Hood. Oh, don’t forget James Huberty, George Hennard, Jiverly Wong, Aaron Alexis, Michael McLendon and Scott Dekraai. All are recent mass murderers employing guns, guns, guns. Because, "Guns don't kill people; people kill people." And now, sponsored by the NRA and your local Republican representative, “Live from San Bernardino…”

“…Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can’t pray a lie — I found that out,” wrote Mark Twain. Faith in guns is a lie. No amount of prayer will change that.

The answer to America’s prayers? Perhaps, we haven’t got a prayer.


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