- May 17, 2024
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As far back as Leah Stiles can remember, she sought comfort from the turmoil of her childhood within the mystical magic of the ocean.
Dolphins, mermaids and the infinite depths of the water brought her a sense of peace and hope, and they anchored her spirit in times of turbulence.
Her unwavering love for the water led her to a career serving in the U.S. Navy.
Although 20 years of service taught her lessons of family, hope and resilience, her time at sea also led to some of the darkest moments of her life.
Now, the beacon of light she found in her lowest moments is helping her guide others out of the darkness.
Stiles, a Waterleigh resident, is CEO and founder of SeaWaves, a nonprofit organization dedicated to advocacy, support, education and awareness about eating disorders for those who have served in the armed forces.
After facing her own challenges, it has become Stiles’ life mission to aid other service members battling eating disorders. She is committed to establishing beacons of awareness, education and support for her military family, navigating alongside them through uncharted waters.
A LOVE FOR THE SEA
With her natural attraction to the water, it only made sense Stiles would join the Navy and embark on a two-decade voyage as a sailor.
“Once I found comfort in the water and established it was a safe place to me, I began to find ways to bring it around me every chance that I had and wherever I was,” she said. “Growing up in foster care, I would draw dolphins, mermaids, anchors and other symbols that represented water in my room or even on my rack when I was deployed.”
Originally from New York, Stiles was inspired to join the Navy because she had a chaotic and traumatic childhood. She yearned for a tribe of people she could call family.
“I saw it as a way to leave the area, reinvent myself, make something of myself and grow,” she said. “One thing I’ve always struggled with is family, and that was a big priority to me. I remember the recruiter telling me the Navy was like a big family, and when he told me that, I was ready to join. He wasn’t wrong.”
Stiles was 21 years old when she joined the Navy in 2001, right before 9/11.
She initially served as a combat photographer and moved locations every few years.
As she progressed through the ranks, she served as a public affairs officer and communicated with the media outlets to provide information on the branch.
She even had the opportunity to serve as a presidential photographer when former President Barack Obama traveled to her base.
“They called attention on deck, and when he came in, he immediately locked eyes with me and said, ‘Good morning,’” she said. “But I was not prepared whatsoever for that, and so I gave him the, ‘What’s up,’ line as I was standing at attention. I immediately was like, ‘I’m so sorry,’ and he just laughed and gave me his special coin.”
Stiles said the people, connections and camaraderie in the Navy are what kept her serving for so long. Family was the greatest lesson she learned.
Eventually, she also was made chief petty officer.
“When you join the chief ranks, the term that we use for (one another) is ‘brother,’ or sister,’” she said. “Once I understood that, it propelled me to grow even further in my career and as a person. We all worked together, but more than that, we all had a safe, family space where we looked out for (one another). … This week, several of the newly pinned chief petty officers are junior sailors I once led. They tell me how their leadership style for their own junior sailors is to treat each other like family. They will continue to pass that message down through generations. I just think it’s really amazing to have that connected to your legacy.”
NAVIGATING TROUBLED WATERS
Along her journey, Stiles encountered many struggles and setbacks that threatened to steer her off course.
Before she joined the Navy, Stiles struggled with an eating disorder.
The attention the weigh-ins and measurements called to her body exacerbated her struggles even when she was in recovery.
“I always knew the military had a gap in care, because when I first joined the Navy, I was struggling with my eating disorder,” she said. “For the first 10 years, it was very much a secret for me. I didn’t tell anybody. I would look around for resources, help, therapy or even support groups relating to eating disorders when I was serving, but I just couldn’t find it. Now, I know that it’s because it wasn’t there.”
The deeper she descended into her eating disorder, the higher she climbed in her personal and professional life. But the cost was heavy, as the weight of her secrets and lies strained against the fiber of her integrity.
In 2017, Stiles hit a low point. It got so bad she had to leave her deployment to receive in-patient treatment. She was tube-fed through her nose for months.
“That was really hard for me to leave them like that, and it was really hard for my leaders to secure in-patient treatment care like that,” she said. “There was no subject-matter expert in the military, and there still isn’t, which is what I’m working on. I want to teach people how to be subject-matter experts. … I just think that if someone is looking for help, they should be able to find it — especially for the service members who give up so much for everybody else.”
One of Stiles’ command master chiefs on deployment was the person that held an intervention for her and helped support her in talking through her struggles.
“It was very hard for me to accept his help, because all I could see was that I was leaving my deployment family, but I’m glad that he did step in,” she said. “It’s taken several years for me to really be able to thank him for educating himself and making that decision for me even when I couldn’t see what was best for myself.”
A BEACON OF HOPE
Despite the fear and shame Stiles held, she grew weary of navigating the treacherous waters alone. She gathered her courage and took a leap of faith, publicly unfurling her truth to all who would listen.
The response was a tidal wave of support.
When Stiles exited the Navy in 2021, she struggled to find her purpose.
The thought of being able to possibly help others encouraged her to push through her own struggles, and she started spreading awareness for eating disorders.
“I might have been a little bitter when I first got out of the Navy and was trying to process everything through,” she said. “Then, I realized, ‘What’s really the point of being bitter, being upset or complaining when I could come up with solutions?’ I started brainstorming, and I just felt like there would be more opportunities for solutions if I made the nonprofit.”
Stiles is using the nonprofit to obtain leverage for resources for her fellow service members and their loved ones.
“Civilians have a lot of eating disorder resources, but the military has none,” she said. “I just kind of act as the bridge to get my military service members that are struggling to the resources that civilians offer until I’m able to fix what’s actually broken in the military, which is us not having that to provide on our own.”
Stiles believes education is the most important step, because people don’t know what they don’t know.
“It’s really hard to help anybody with anything if you haven’t made yourself smart on it,” she said. “Because eating disorders are so taboo, they’re not often talked about, and there’s a lot of myths or assumptions that are out there that just aren’t true anymore. After you educate yourself, talk about it. Talk about it with people that might have it, who might not have it, who might have a loved one who has it. It’s way more common than people even know around them. We have to confront it head-on — even when it’s scary.”
Along the way, Stiles still faced upheaval in the form of heartbreak and loss.
She said the No. 1 cause of death in a person with an eating disorder is suicide.
Stiles has lost several people in her life to suicide, including multiple service members, her mother, her friend and her niece.
“Eating disorders thrive and grow through silence and secrecy,” she said. “It has to be a conversation. Just don’t do it alone. It’s too much. It’s too consuming. It’s too overwhelming. Different people are ready for recovery at different times, and it’s not linear. There’s no laid-out process for how to overcome an eating disorder. You will always have your eating disorder. There will be different times where you will be doing better or struggling in recovery, but it will always be there. You need to figure out who it is that you can talk to.”
STRAIGHT SAILING
On the day Stiles retired from the Navy, she moved to Horizon West.
Her husband, Marlando, retired from the Navy the same day.
The pair has been married for 21 years and has three children: Alexzander — who currently is serving in active duty with the Navy as a second class petty officer — Ayanna and Alyvia.
Family runs deeper than blood ties for the Stiles family, who also have fostered several children.
“I have a lot of people that call me ‘Mom,’” Leah Stiles said. “Even on the ship they called me, ‘Sea Mom.’”
This weekend, Leah Stiles will host a booth at Ms. Veteran America, an event that showcases “The Woman Beyond the Uniform.” All proceeds from the event provide housing for homeless women, veterans and their children throughout the country.
Leah Stiles hopes the nonprofit encourages resilience.
“Resilience is a really big thing in the military because of how important our jobs are,” she said. “We need to be able to take care of ourselves to bounce back constantly and be the best service member that we can be. That’s the light that I try to shine a lot. In the darkness, when you’re alone, are you not looking for the lighthouse? That is when you see the hope. As much as I want to teach about resilience, hope is just as important. They’re in connection with (one another).”
When she’s not working on her nonprofit, Leah Stiles can be seen enjoying Disney with her family or in the stands at Horizon High School, where her youngest child is a senior and her husband coaches football and softball.
