Louis Roney: Let me call you something or other

James Madison said, “Reliance upon the virtue of the American people is our final strength.” Isn’t it concomitantly our final weakness, Mr. Madison?

Mr. Lucrative

I heard recently of a public school teacher who made $250,000 a year and retired on a permanent pension of $177,000. (I should have taught where he did!)

Cuts preserve future

The future of the American family depends upon slashing the president’s enormous spending. His present expenses are not sustainable.

Dangers of desire

When I was a kid in high school, I heard a lecture on “the dangers of sexual desire.” Both the guy I was sitting with and I had much less knowledge about sex than we admitted to each other, and we tried to ho-hum our way through the lecture. I never forgot the experience of that evening, or the way that the lecturer missed the point of where danger really lay. For example, at that time, I had a strong desire for a 4-year-old ’32 Ford convertible, but no way to get it. If I had gotten it, that’s where the danger would have started — for me, my family and who knows who else. I am not going to elaborate by making a comparison between a ’32 Ford and a real live girl. I’ll just say, “Think of it as much as you like — that won’t hurt you.”

Repulsed by bullfights

Having read Tom Lea’s “The Brave Bulls,” and much of Hemmingway’s writings about bullfighting, I went to a few bullfights myself. I saw one in Mexico where the bull was not “brave ” and seemed to be in a mood to graze in a pasture. Later on in southern France and Spain, I saw a couple more bullfights, and was, each time, more repulsed by the toreador’s “bravery” and the bull’s suffering. I never went back to a bullfight and see nothing about bullfighting that could attract the permanent interest of a person of humanity and feeling.

What’s in a name?

Married people often call each other by the strangest nicknames. I may find myself at any given time calling my wife: “Joy-boy, Honey-bunny, Darling-pie,” or even “Joy-boy Roney-balony” if the occasion somehow warrants such elaboration. I sometimes even lapse into German with “baby-lein.” Inasmuch as her name is simply Joy, there is no sane explanation for my foolishness. When I write about her I use “b.w.” meaning beautiful wife. Joy calls me, at different times: “Pie, pie-pie, Ludie, Ludie-pie, Lover-pie, or Sweetie-pie.” Of course, we never use any of these names when we are in the bank or with our taxman! If you and your mate don’t have any special names for each other, is that a good sign — or a bad one?

How’s the ‘middle class?’

How good has Obama been for the “middle class”? There are reportedly 8.2 percent of Americans officially unemployed (the real number is probably closer to 12 percent or more). Obama promised less than 6 percent within his first (and last?) term. He grossly misrepresents the employment figures on TV. He has accomplished little if anything in “helping the middle class”? Much to the contrary. Handouts are reportedly far too easy to come by these days. Did I understand that one in four families is on food stamps?!

Depending on free food

The Department of Agriculture is distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever. Our national parks ask us: “Please Do Not Feed The Animals.” The reason for the policy is that animals will grow dependent on handouts, and won’t look out for themselves. Thus ends today’s lesson.