Chris Jepson: Happy endings?

It finally dawned on me where I had seen Mitt Romney portrayed in the movies. No, it is not the 1987 movie “Wall Street” featuring Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko. In that portrayal of American business, Gekko personifies the “stereotypical” Wall Street trader caught up in questionable financial practices as an insider trader. He argued, “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.” Greed is good. He went to jail. In the movies.

Mitt Romney makes no bones about what he does. Nor should he. Romney, an obviously shrewd capitalist, has publicly acknowledged that his sole goal as a businessman was to make profits for himself and his investors. His business model was not to create anything but profits. Least of all was Romney ever driven to create jobs. Romney wasn’t trained, nor did he aspire to create new products, or design or manufacture them. Romney wasn’t about factories or employees or jobs. Romney was about maximizing profit, which I completely understand and appreciate. That is Romney’s raison d’être.

There are several business models that Romney employed in his line of work. One of them was to acquire “underperforming” corporations, slice and dice ’em, borrow money against assets, cut expenses (eliminate jobs and employee benefits) and to charge the company millions of dollars in “consulting” management fees and, well, if the company survived or not, Romney extracted his profits, his pound of gold. Romney practiced “a” type of capitalism that is completely acceptable (legal) in many quarters (see: U.S. Chamber of Commerce) yet so, too, was the business model practiced by Henry Potter in “It’s A Wonderful Life.” Profiting off another individual’s loss (an American worker, for example) is not illegal. In some circles, it is celebrated.

Celebrated because it separates the wheat from the chaff, it performs what our capitalist economy requires in picking winners and losers. Celebrated for all the reasons to which capitalists such as Romney genuflect. Profits. And, once again, I acknowledge the critical importance of profitability in our market-driven economy. A business model that does not show/produce profitability is not viable. But if that is your reason for being, if that is the most distinctive motivating factor in your life and is your major justification for running for the presidency, should not the American electorate clearly understand what inspires Republican Mitt Romney?

No, Mitt Romney is no Wall Street insider like Gordon Gekko, although I would like to hear him renounce “Greed is good.”

No, think of Mitt Romney as Edward Lewis, the character in the 1990 movie “Pretty Woman.” Lewis, played by Richard Gere, is the quintessential corporate raider who dismantles American corporations — Romney-like — for profit. He and his associate, Philip Stuckey played by Jason Alexander (Seinfeld), are poised to take over an underperforming shipbuilding company run by James Morse (Ralph Bellamy). Lewis, during the negotiations, has mind-altering sex with another entrepreneur, the prostitute Vivian Ward played by Julia Roberts.

And voila, Lewis experiences a profound change of heart (mindboggling sex often does exactly that) and, rather than dismantling Morse’s corporation, instead partners with him to make the company again viable. Oh, Lordy! Wipe away the tears. Lewis then shows up in a white limousine (horse) and sweeps Ward into his arms, redeeming the two fallen capitalists.

I love happy endings, don’t you? Only in the movies. Don’t expect any with Romney. Happy endings. Unless, of course, Henry Potter is your inspiration and primary constituency.

Jepson is a 24-year resident of Florida. He’s fiscally conservative, socially liberal, likes art and embraces diversity of opinion. Reach him at [email protected]