How to be your student's educational mentor

School supplies, clothes shopping, bus schedules and carpools – all the buzz signals a new school year has arrived. Before busy days overwhelm the family, set the tone for a successful year of learning with a conversation with your student.

In a series of articles about preparing for the school year, Nemours’s KidsHealth website reiterates the importance that parents can have in helping their kids succeed “by lending support and guidance.”

Before having your conversation, pick a time and place that is neutral and works for both of you. Consider meeting one-on-one if you have more than one child attending school. Plan your thoughts and limit distractions. The must cover topics: homework, teachers, and classmates.

Make sure that homework is seen as a time to practice and therefore, a priority. Agree upon a time to complete homework. Determine what extracurricular activities are feasible and devise a schedule together. Have a place dedicated to do homework – a desk or table with school supplies and no television or distractions. If you have a home computer or other online device, find a spot where your student can be monitored and agree upon where handheld devices can reside (e.g., the kitchen counter) while the student is working. Build in times for breaks and to check messages. If you need access to a computer, check with your local library, community center, and school computer lab hours.

Encourage quality in the early years to establish a habit. There’s not so much to lose in first grade if you ask your child to redo a messy assignment; there’s a lot more time and energy at stake in a ninth grade paper. Teach your student how to prioritize tasks by available time and due dates. A simple designation of A/B/C to rank the assignments works well.

Need other ideas for how to tackle homework? Ask parents of older students. They’ve been through it and most are willing to share what works and what doesn’t. A quick Internet search also turns up some practical sources, including a homework guide for parents from the National Association of School Psychologists and tips for good homework habits from the Parents magazine webpage. Another source that’s often overlooked: your student’s teacher.

“Teachers and parents are partners in the education of their children,” said Dr. Jamie Rodriguez, assistant principal of St. Margaret Mary Catholic School. “Establish this idea early in the year and support it by maintaining open and regular communication.”

Have the teachers’ email and telephone numbers easily accessible. Acknowledge beginning of term letters, attend open house, and alert teachers to any absences. It’s also important to communicate any significant family changes (a new home, a death in the family, change in employment status, etc.). Convey your respect to them by always scheduling an appointment if you want a conference.

Discuss the teachers’ strengths in the eyes of your student and help him/her see the teacher as a supporter. Your student may also need help understanding that every teacher is not going to be as doting as his pre-school teacher. That doesn’t mean the teacher doesn’t care.

Every year review and practice the very important life skill of self-advocacy. When your student has questions or concerns for the teacher, help her practice how to present these in an appropriate tone and environment. These same skills will prove useful with college professors and later, employers.

Another essential conversation to have with your student is about classmates and friendships. In the early primary grades the message can be as simple as being kind to others and remembering to take turns. In the third- to fifth-grades the conversation should include not spreading rumors and dealing with bursts of emotions.

More than they recognize, students in the middle school years want to belong to a group. Talk about how a good friend behaves and the reality that friends change. Re-emphasize the golden rule. Be certain your student understands what bullying is and how to report it to teachers. It’s also the time to have the sex talk so students recognize their emotions and the truth in the conversations they hear. It’s a good way to establish the parent as a trusted source of information.

In the high school years, plan to dialogue about your values and model what you believe. Students should see you offering kindness to friends in need, but also understand that you can disagree with a friend’s poor choices. A CBSBoston website article on preparing for high school also suggests that it’s important to give students “what if …” questions to help them think through new scenarios and work them out ahead of time.

It may take several talks to get your point across. But taking the time to dialogue about homework, teachers and friends can help students begin the year with confidence. Despite what it may look like, children do listen. And a parent’s influence can spell success.