Guidelines for your student who's home for the holidays

Congratulations, your child has completed their first academic semester! Your educated, independent college freshman is back in your house eating your food, and making the task of doing laundry even more daunting. It’s only been 15 weeks since your child has left home, yet they’ve grown so much. When your son or daughter left home you had to make adjustments to your life. It’s only natural that you have to do the same when they return home. It’s the anticipation of how the family will need to adjust that can cause anxiety.

One thing you might notice right away is that they’re exhausted. They just completed their first real round of finals week. When they return home to that childhood bedroom, don’t be surprised if you notice them sleeping for long hours the first few days they arrive home.

Your child might not openly talk about their college experience. Don’t take it personally, they might not think there’s anything to discuss. They aren’t hiding anything or trying to be rude. They might also want to avoid thinking about college for a few weeks. As much fun as college is, any new student is going to need a break from the new level of stress they’ve encountered. Don’t use this time to ask questions, instead share stories about your own adjustments and how you handle new stress.

Curfew. Will they have one? Will you give them the freedom of creating their own if they’re being responsible? Do you have other kids in your house who are sleeping, and the college sibling needs to be mindful of that? Remember, they haven’t been living with a curfew for 15 weeks. If they lived in a dorm, on-campus, or in off-campus housing, they are used to normal disruptions in a house. Come up with your plan before they return home. Let them know your expectations and have an open conversation to listen to their expectations as well.

The holiday season is always full of parties, shopping, and family events. Your child might need to be reminded of these events and their need to attend. Use a family calendar to communicate all events that they need to attend or prepare for.

Returning home is a big transition for your child. He or she might not feel like they belong anymore. They might feel stuck between being an adult, and not really being an adult (wink). They might long for the family traditions that have always made them feel special, while also trying to act like an adult. It might feel like they’re pulling away, but all that’s happening is that they’re trying to find their space in the new family structure.

Holidays are a stressful time. Bring your expectations and new rules to the table before they cause issues. Above all else, celebrate the holidays and the accomplishment of having a child who completed their first semester of college.