- April 19, 2024
-
-
Loading
Loading
WEST ORANGE Stephanie Bowman sat on her knees crying as she watched the social worker take her daughters away. Five-year-old Amber Bednarski sat in the back seat of the cab, waving her hands to Stephanie and crying. The social worker was kind and told Stephanie that she would find her daughters the best possible home if they couldn’t come home to her.
“It sounds like movie stuff, but it was real,” Amber, now 23 years old, said.
It was a blow to Stephanie, who in 1999 was just leaving an abusive marriage for the last time. In the weeks leading up to this moment, Stephanie, who was struggling with drug and alcohol addictions of her own, had taken her 5-month-old and 5-year-old daughters with her from the home, where they had lived homeless in the downtown Orlando area. After a few weeks of being homeless, several people who saw them called the Department of Children and Families.
That’s when the social worker came.
Stephanie’s heart was broken, but a sense of peace filled her heart as she saw Amber wave.
“I thought to myself that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I didn’t want to do it anymore,” Stephanie said. “I didn’t want my children to live that way anymore, and I had to do something. So when I was on my knees, I was just saying ‘God, thank you.’ I knew at that moment that God had my girls, that God had me, that they were all going to be OK.”
At that time, it was hard to foresee that nearly 10 years later, Stephanie would be drug-free, living with her daughters, serving at the Crossings Church in West Orange and starting a nonprofit to help women going through similar situations as she had faced.
Instead, she headed to a rehab center to try to pick up the pieces of her life, in hopes of someday getting her daughters back.
Amber and sister Katie Bednarski were put with a good family, but Amber knew Katie, who was born premature and struggling with health issues of her own, needed to be with her mother. So at almost 6 years old, Amber went before the judge to ask that Katie be allowed to live with her mother while she spent time in rehab. The judge granted her request.
“How selfless it was that an almost 6-year-old could think of that, that selfless peace,” Stephanie said. “And that’s the way I think of my girls. They’re very selfless. They think of other people a lot more than they think of themselves.”
Katie returning to Stephanie was a pivotal point in Stephanie’s recovery. Every time she tried to pack her bags and leave the rehab center, someone would stop her and show her Katie.
“Look at this beautiful child,” they would say, encouraging her to stay for Katie. So she stayed for Katie. But eventually she got better for herself.
On graduation day, the judge ruled Stephanie could have full custody of her children. She moved back in with her parents, who agreed to help her, provided she attend support meetings. Most days, her daughters went with her.
But the days of trouble weren’t over. Stephanie ended up in the emergency room and was diagnosed with choriocarcinoma, a rare cancer that develops after a tubular pregnancy.
Friends had to step in to take care of Katie, but Amber stayed by her side to become Stephanie’s caretaker, along with her grandparents.
One day, Amber was shaving Stephanie’s head. When she got to the back of her head, she looked intently. But once it was shaved, she threw the razor and screamed, angry.
Mom didn’t have eyes on the back of her head, like she said she did.
For the next nine months, Stephanie slept and wasn’t aware of much of what was happening. Soon, she was better and Katie came home. But shortly after Katie returned, so did the cancer. Katie went back to her friends, while she battled the cancer again — this time just as bad as the first.
Halfway through her second bout with cancer, Stephanie met George Bowman at a support meeting. They began dating, and soon she and the girls moved in with him. They lived in MetroWest, and Amber began attending Adrenaline, the student ministry at the Crossings Church.
She brought home a card to her mother that read “Meet me at the Crossings Church 10 a.m. this Sunday.”
When Stephanie arrived, she was among other parents whose daughters held their hesitant parents’ hands and led them into the church. It felt like home.
The family dived into the church, with Katie and Amber getting involved in youth ministry there. During that time, Stephanie saw to it that her daughters get involved in things that would allow them to feel a sense of unity and responsibility. Amber danced at Ready, Set, Dance, where she now teaches classes.
George and Stephanie married. And around 2007, George and other friends encouraged Stephanie to pursue her dream of helping women and children who were in her situation thrive.
She began teaching parenting classes in a shelter. At Christmastime, she collected clothing and other resources for women and children at the shelter.
One young boy cried tears of joy after receiving the presents: He now had new underwear to write his name in. Previously, the underwear he’d worn had been used, with another name inside.
In 2008, she, along with other church members, began the Live Love ministry at the Crossings.
She started One Heart for Women and Children in 2009. The organization seeks to provide food, clothes and other resources for people in need.
It provides life skills and parenting classes for women, but it’s not a ministry exclusive to women and children. Now, they serve just as many men as women.
They started by working out of storage units and hunting for resources to give to families. Now, they are located in a 5,200-square-foot “home base” in College Park, which allows the organization to be close to many of the people it serves. The organization, which is run completely by volunteers, allows those in need to work for vouchers for items such as clothing, as it aims to give a “hand up instead of a hand out.” Food is always free. Currently, the organization helps more than 3,000 people each month.
Amber, now 23, and Katie, now 17, spend much of their free time volunteering with One Heart.
“One Heart has definitely been the biggest inspiration in my life,” said Katie, who attends Olympia High School. “Everything happens for a reason. This is the reason why we went through so many crappy things growing up, why we lived in different places, why we were put in a foster care, why my mom went through so much drug abuse and physical abuse. This is definitely the best thing that came out of it. … It was through my mom’s nonprofit that I found out I love helping people, I love traveling and I love making relationships with people. Those are my three biggest passions.”
Stephanie has now been clean and sober for 17 years. Through the years, her cancer has returned a few times, and she’s also dealt with non-cancerous tumors. Through it all, her daughters have been her caretakers and her cheerleaders. They’ve tattooed each date their mother found out she was cancer-free on their arms.
Because, despite all the challenges, the way their mother loves them, and others, is an inspiration.
Contact Jennifer Nesslar at [email protected].
